Prayers needed

I could not think of anything witty to title this blog.  Actually, the title says it all.  Prayers are very much needed and appreciated right now because today was not a good day at all.

As I wrote on Friday, I went for my mammogram.  Honestly everyone, I left there feeling GREAT!  I had finally stopped putting it off and went to have the procedure done.  Well, as of 9:30ish this morning, all that completely changed. 

I received a call from the Breast Center at CAMC this morning.  Before I even called them back (a few minutes after I got the message), I knew actually why they were calling.  And sadly, my fears came to light when I called them back.  A cyst has been found in my left breast.  They want me to come back and have a compression mammogram and possible ultrasound as soon as possible to check the area.  The lady on the other end was all perky as she she was telling me this and all I could think is "How can you be so perky giving someone this news?"

She stated that a cyst had been found in the left breast and that further testing would be needed.  I asked if it would need biopsied and she was like "Don't even think like that."  I explained that I had already been through this once and I knew the drill.  She proceeds to tell me that I should not think like that and they just need to get me scheduled.  So, the appointment has been set for Friday at 1pm.

The minute I hung up the phone, I just felt like my world had been turned upside down.  I immediately called Johnny and started bawling.  Bless his heart, he was immediately telling me not to worry and that everything would be fine.  Also, thankful I did not have a patient at 10 because I would have had to reschedule.  There would have been no way I could have worked on anyone at this point. 

I wish I could say that I am okay with this.  I wish I could say I have 100% faith that this is going to end up like the last time.  I wish I could say I am not going to worry myself sick of this.  Sadly though, I can not say anything like that.  Right now, the only thing I can say I feel is complete sadness.  All the feelings I had from the last time have already started to surface.  The fears of what if.  The fears of what about Johnny and JJ. The fear that maybe this is not like last time since I heard back SO FAST this time (I did not hear anything for almost 5 days the last time).    The anger at myself of why did I put this off when I knew I needed to have one in July 2011.  The fears of just being scared.

I debated on whether to share this or not.  I was only going to tell my family and a few friends.  However, I then started thinking No, this is why you shared the other story.  To encourage other woman out there to go and have a mammogram whether it be your first or 20th.  Also, the other reason I wanted to share is because AGAIN, this was not felt.  I had just had an exam THAT morning!  Dr. Bush did not feel it and I had not felt it before either.  That is why mammograms are SO IMPORTANT!!

So, if you don't mind, please just say a little prayer that this will all turn out okay.  I know I should not be worried because I do believe that the Lord is the ultimate physician and He will be with me throughout all of this just like last time.  However, I think anybody would be worried and just plain scared just like I am right now. Also, please say a prayer for Johnny and JJ.  Though they are men of few words, I know they must be just as worried as I am right now.

PS - I promise that I will give an update about Johnny and my weight loss tomorrow night.  However, I just felt that I needed to share this tonight!  God Bless you all!