Confessions (Part 2)

It has been over a week since I last hit the treadmill.  I was really afraid this was going to happen.  Thank goodness I start at the Weight Loss Center next Tuesday so I will be held accountable!

I have done this all my life.  I will start working out and then BOOM, something happens and I just stop.  I know I should do it and I feel so much better when I do exercise.  However, I honestly believe the health stuff I am going through right now is making this so much harder.  No, I am not making excuses some I can skip out on responsibility. 

For those who may not know it, I had a hysterectomy in March.  So, I don't get too graphic here, it was not a complete one, so I still have some minor parts left (I know you are all scratching your head right now going huh?).  Anyway, about two to three weeks ago, I started experiencing horrible hot flashes.  Ask my fellow employees at work, I will all of sudden just break into one soaking sweat.  And then, the night times are worse.  I will wake up two or three times a night just burning up.  That is why I am typing this at 4:55 am.  I have actually been up since around 4 am.

I did call my doctor's office concerning this situation.  However, I need to go in and have a blood test ran.  Okay, major hurdles here to accomplish this request.  I have to be at work at 8 and they don't open until 8.  I take lunch from 12 to 1 and so do they.  And they close at noon on Friday, my half day.  So, I am going to have to eventually take at least a 1/2 day off of work to get a five minute test done.  Honestly, I have taken off so much lately due to Johnny's surgery and appointments, it is hard to ask for another day.

So since this has been happening, when I get up early like this morning or end up oversleeping because I can not getting up with the alarm clock, I don't feel like working out.  Yes, I know - why don't I just do it in the evening?  Well, quite frankly, I don't want to and I do my housework in the evenings.  Again, not excuses, just truth.

I am loving the way I am feeling and looking since losing the 23 pounds I have lost.  Yes, I am still watching my diet.  However, I need supreme motivation for the exercise portion.

Has any one else felt like this?  Am I the only person who does this and then feels extreme guilt?  Thoughts and opinions are appreciated.

A special note about...

My son JJ!  So far, I have wrote alot about Johnny and I.  However, JJ needs some mentioning here also!  I am so proud of him.  To be 13 and thrusted into this is a lot for any kid.  However, his journey thus far has been filled with many twists and turns!

About 3 years ago, JJ was enrolled into the Healthy Kids program at CAMC.  He did wonderfully on the program by losing around 50 pounds or more.  However, I felt horrible.  Here was my son having to eat all this stuff while Johnny and I still were eating "normal."  I so hated that for him.  I know what you thinking, why did we not do it with him?  Honestly, I don't know!  Looking back, we should have and maybe the changes would have stuck.  But we did not and I have felt horrible since then.

Through the last couple of years, the weight came back on.  Then sometime in the last year and a half, JJ's lab work come back bad.  His fasting insulin was high and some other numbers were not good.  So, we were referred to Dr. Bendre, a pediatric endocronologist.  Sadly, JJ was diagnosed with Insulin Resistance and Hypothyrodism.  I was devasted.  To help with the weight gain, we tried to get him back into the Healthy Kids program.  However, that did not pan out.  We tried to start limiting things; however, that did not work out either.

So, about a year ago, Dr. Bendre prescribed Synthroid (because his thyroid numbers kept getting worse) and Metformin (1000 mg a day to help protect his pancreas).  Then about six months ago, the Metformin was increased to 2000mg a day.  I was devasted all over again.  I needed to find a way to help JJ!

That is when I contacted the PEIA Weight Management program in June.  I decided that instead of trying the Healthy Kids program again, JJ and I would BOTH enroll in the Weight Management program and do it together.  That way, he would not feel alone and have someone along with him on the journey this time.  We got all the paperwork submitted; however, then we hit a road block.  The only facility that would take JJ is the CAMC Weight Loss Center (FYI - this is where Dr. Rossi is, Johnny's doctor).  However, their exercise physiologist had quit and they had not found a replacement.  So, we had to be put on a waiting list.  UGH!!!

JJ was scheduled to see Dr. Bendre on August 22.  Honestly, I was dreading this appointment.  I knew JJ and I would get another lecture about his weight.  Now, I need to say something.  If any of you know JJ, you all know this kid is always doing something.  Yes, there are days he plays is video games, etc.  But honestly, JJ is a very active kid.  I got tired of hearing the doctor always telling him to do more when honestly, he was doing more.  Therefore, during the appointment, we got the news he had gained weight again and Dr. Bendre wanted him in a program now.  I informed him that we had been placed on a waiting list and were waiting to hear from the facility.  That is when he dropped his bombshell. 

We were told to give up all refined sugars, most carbohydrates.  No pasta, rice, corn (yikes, JJ's favorite vegetable), peas (double yikes, JJ's other favorite vegetable), and all the other good stuff we all love.  However, I decided, if this was going to help until we started the Weight Management program, then we would do it.  I came home and cleaned out all the cabinets of the bad stuff (sadly, we had just went huge grocery shopping - half the stuff I bought went away).  I talked with friends and got great advice.  A BIG thank you to Amy Steirwalt - you have been my life saver in all of this.  Thank you for all the assistance and listening to all my questions.  I truly appreciate you very much.  Also, a BIG thank you to Brooke Sigman for working around my son's diet during this football season.  You cooked different things for him when you did not have to.  I truly appreciate you very much as well.  You two have been great and I will never forget all you have done!

Now, two months later, JJ is doing GREAT!  He has lost probably around 30 pounds.  Yes, he sometimes fights me about things, but all and all, he is really good about everything.  And yes, I "let" him slip sometimes.  Every once in a while, he gets french fries and a Tudor's biscuit, but it is not all the time like it was back before August 22nd. 

Now, you know the story!  Again, I am SO PROUD of JJ!  He truly is great kid.  I am proud of him and love seeing the look in his eyes when something is getting to big now or really loose.  He is just so proud!

Come along for the ride!  The adventure is even better because of my wonderful son.....

A shout out to....

Some of my favorite low carb foods.  As you all know, low carb can sometimes get tedious (in my opinion).  Reading labels and everything else just gets too much sometimes.  However, I do it to make sure the right choices are being made.  Also, the funny thing is JJ has even started reading labels. 

So, what are some of my favs?  Well, here is a little picture collage of some of my favorites!

The first protein powder we tried.  Liked it but honestly, kinda of expensive.  Loved the banana flavor!

We tried this one this morning.  Really good flavor and cheaper than the first one.  Strawberry rocks!

Found these at Drug Emporium tonight.  Can not wait to try in the morning.  New flavors beside the standards chocolate, strawberry, vanilla, etc.

I LOVE THIS CUP!!  The blender cup from GNC.  Has a wire whisk ball in the bottle.

Mixes the protein powder wonderfully!!!

A great little snack to throw in the purse.  Around 13g carbs - not to bad in my opinion. 

Tastes good too!

MIO is AWESOME!!!  Like Crystal Light but alot BETTER!!  Great taste!

The package says it all - it does make great pizzas!  And only 6 net carbs - YUM!

Another great low carb wrap!  Only 5 net carbs!  JJ loves these.

Finally found this at Drug Emporium.  JJ and I love spaghetti and now we can still have some!

Laughing Cow cheese is the bomb!!  So many great flavors and wonderful to cook with!

I am so thankful that Kroger makes this product.  I love yogurt and I still can have it while

watching the carbs.

Love the ease of the chicken and turkey burgers.  Cook quickly for those really busy nights!

Though I have been buying a lot of fresh vegetables, I love the frozen kind as well. 

Especially great for vegetables that are out of season.

Come along for the ride.  The adventure is yummy...

The numbers are....

Getting better and better!  I have lost another 3 pounds!!  WOO HOO!!  23 down and another 100 to go.  However, that is okay because each day it is getting easier and easier.  Also, due to an emergency trip to the doctor today (side note - everything is okay with Johnny.  I just worry to much), Johnny got to weigh himself again today.  He has lost another 24 pounds!  That means since surgery three weeks ago he has lost 34 pounds and since the beginning of the liquid diet phase he has lost about 54 pounds.  I am so proud of him.

Today was also his last day on his blood thinners!  Double WOO HOO!!  I know he is extremely happy about this turn of events.  However, I know that soon he will be shaving off his beard.  So, in tribute to his beard, here is my baby with his "fluffy" beard:

Tomorrow it is back on the treadmill for me.  I haven't walked on it all week; however, believe me I have walked enough the last several days (especially Sunday and Monday) that I did not need to use the treadmill.  I miss it though.  It is like it is just staring at me, shaking it's head.  Shame, shame.  It knows your name.  LOL!  (I think I should start worrying about myself.  First, rice is calling my name and now the treadmill is shaking it's head.  Over active imagination?  I would say yes!)

Come along for the ride.  The adventure is bright and sunny!!

Sometimes you just have to....

Eat something that is not good for you.  And yes people, I have ate stuff in the past two days that have not been anywhere NEAR low carb.  Also, I have not done so great about drinking my water the last two days.  Yes, I feel guilty.  Yes, I know better.  However, I wanted to eat it, stop the cravings, and move on with my diet.

Now, here is the thing, I could have made dinner the last two nights low carb.  We had Chinese (leftover Chinese tonight).  If I could have stayed away from the rice, the pepper steak would have been an okay choice.  However, that rice was calling my name.  It was going Sissy, Sissy.  So, I just had to listen.  Oh, I have had Chinese since going low carb and I have been a really good girl.  I always ordered and said hold the rice.  But I was craving it so bad last night.  So, I decided to give in and stop the craving. 

And because of those cravings, that is why I gave into the double cheeseburger yesterday for lunch.  Could have been better without the bun.  But gosh, it tasted so good. 

So, my question is this, did I do the right thing?  Or did I just completely blow my entire diet?  I am going back full tilt tomorrow, but I feel horrible.  Oh well, tomorrow is another day!

Now for a Johnny update.  He is still doing well.  He hasn't weighed himself lately but I know he is doing well.  I just can't believe it has been three weeks since his surgery! Here is a new photo:

My biggest fear is he is not getting his protein like he is suppose to be getting right now.  I am also worried because he is not eating like he is suppose too.  He should be eating about 4oz at a time of various things during a meal.  However, he is still eating only one item at most meals.  He states he doesn't feel hungry or feel like eating that much.  I am just worried!  And if you know me at all, I worry about everything!

I do have pics of his first semi-real meal.  Check out the look on his face.  It is priceless!

This was breakfast on Sunday.  It was a 1/2 of scambled egg, 2 Tbsp cottage cheese, and 2 oz baby food peaches.  He ate most of it but not all.  I was proud of him!

Come along for the ride.  The adventure is sometimes not very healthy but yummy none the less...

20 lbs and counting.....

Yes folks, you read that correctly!  I am now down 20 pounds since August 22!  I am VERY happy!  As I wrote before, I only really want to weigh myself once a month.  However, beginning Monday, I am going to have to be weighed weekly, so I decided to get accustomed to the idea.  Also, by seeing the change on the scale, it makes me even more willing to get on that treadmill every morning and continue to eat correctly.

Johnny is doing well also.  We are going to try baked fish tonight for his dinner.  I pray he can tolerate it well.  He and I took a really nice walk this afternoon.  I need to call his physician's office and see when he can begin using the treadmill.  I want him to start getting up and doing more.  I am worried because I am afraid he is sitting too much.

On the other front of becoming a new me, things are looking up there as well.  I went to choir practice for the first time in forever Tuesday night and I started back to Wednesday classes.  Now, I am trying to play catch up this weekend on the booking we have being reading.  Oh well, if I don't catch completely up, at least I will be further ahead than I was last week.  We are studying a very interesting book by J. I. Packer entitled "Knowing God".  I would highly recommend it to everyone.  It is very thought stirring and is pretty easy to read. 

Today as I was re-reading the first chapter, I found a passage that really spoke to me.  "Disregard the study of God, and you sentence yourself to stumble and blunder through life blindfolded, as it were, with no sense of direction and no understanding of what surrounds you.  This way you can waste your life and lose your soul."  Very profound words and very true.  That is honestly how I have felt over the course of the past couple of weeks - stumbling and blundering.  But I am trying to get back to the straight path.  It is hard, but so worth it in the end!

Come along for the ride.  The adventure is something else....

Updated pic of my progress.  I really need to find something to help with the abdominal section!  But progress none the less (I think anyway).

Good music makes....

Workouts on a treadmill much better!  Since I did not get a chance to workout this morning, after church this evening, I came home and decided to do my walk.  Tonight though I decided to walk to some music instead of the TV.  Let me just tell ya, it made it SO MUCH BETTER!  The twenty minutes just flew by and I was done before I knew it.  Of course, I was making JJ laugh though as I was shaking my head and singing certain phrases.  Oh well, it was fun!

Yesterday I was asked about Johnny, so I wanted to give everyone an update.  Johnny is doing very well.  He has started eating eggs, blendered chicken, and other items.  Though I do not know exactly how much he has lost, I figure it to be around 40 pounds.  And tonight, he put on jeans he had not wore in several years!  YEA JOHNNY!!  Here is a new weekly pic of his progress..

Big change from the first pic (in my opinion)

Come along for the ride.  The adventure is rocking.....

Confessions....

First - I am just too tired to get on the treadmill this morning.  Yes, instead of playing around on the computer, I should just go workout.  However, I am just drained and need a one day break.  Actually, I will workout tonight after work.  I promise.

Second, the other part of this NEW me is suppose to be me growing more closer to our gracious and saving Lord.  I wish I could say that journey is going as well as the weight loss; however, that would be telling a lie.  Oh, I am definitely praying more and praying at times I would not usually pray.  However, I have not been to church in two weeks and I have not reading my Bible like I should. 

Yes, I realize the last two weeks have been very hectic around this house.  I also know that my place has been with Johnny while he mends.  However, I miss church.  I miss the fellowship.

Also, when I first went back to church several years ago, I was hungry to learn.  Hungry to learn all I could.  I read the bible every morning.  I had my quiet relfection time every evening.  I felt so much stronger then.  And then, I don't know what happened. 

So now, when I want to start building that relationship again, I feel broken.  I feel like my prayers are not being heard.  I feel that I have turned my back maybe one to many times and He is finished with me.  I feel like the devil is always there putting some obstacle in my way to prevent me from getting back to that feeling I use to have and devotation I use to have.   I honestly hate feeling like this!  I feel like a spirtual nothing!

Guess I am just asking for prayers right now that I get back on the right path ASAP.  Also, prayers that HE is not finished with me and that I can save the relationship I need with HIM!

Come along for the ride.  The adventure is sometimes not all sunny.....

Actually...Low Carb eating can be tasty!

When I started this journey back in August, I was thinking great, no taste food!!  However, I have found some GREAT recipes so far in my journey.  I have been quite surprised on what a person can eat while trying to follow a low carb diet.  Now, remember what I have said before, I am not going strict low carb.  I am averaging around 40 to 45 a day.  But again, considering the daily recommended carbohydrate intake is 180-270 (OMG!), I think 40/45 is awesome!!

So tonight, I wanted to share some of the great recipes I have found thus far! 

On the menu tonight was a lemon pepper pork chop.  It was very yummy!

These pork chops were very easy to make.  You can find the recipe right here.  And yes, you see corn on my plate.  Believe it or not, but it is true, that is the first corn I have had since August 21.  And quite honestly, I really haven't missed it.  However, since I was cooking for only myself tonight and needed something simple, I used the very last frozen corn we had in the freezer.

Last night, I tried something completely new in our household.  I cooked turkey breast cutlets.  I did not even know they sold stuff like this in stores.  So, after browsing the internet yesterday, I found the recipe that gave me this:

These are Dijon Turkey Cutlets.  And I can say oh my goodness, these were great!  So moist and tender.  And quick - 7 minutes total cooking time.  I have always loved turkey and now that I can get turkey like this, you better believe I will be getting some more.  The recipe for this can be found right here.  I served this with one of JJ's favorites - broccoli with cheese.  Thank goodness for Green Giant frozen vegetables.  Fast and easy!

Another one of JJ's favorites is a recipe I started making a while ago.  And guess what it is?

Yep, more broccoli.  However, I make this so he does not ask for cheese.  The recipe is so simple, it is not funny.  Take two bunches of broccoli and cut into florets.  Place in baking dish, drizzle with extra virgin olive oil, and sprinkle with montreal steak seasoning.  Bake for 20 minutes at 375.  Delicious!!  I have actually followed that recipe to do other vegetables like asparagus, zucchini, and squash.  All very good.

Here are a couple of other pictures of some other items I have made recently. 

Crab cake (lightly breaded and baked), shrimp, and broccoli

Low Carb Pizza

Egg Bake with ham, mushrooms, and cheddar cheese

Round Steak, squash, sauted onions, and salad

Just a quick note, the pizza is made on a low carb (5g) flat bread then topped with pizza ingredients.  Very yummy and JJ loves them.  It also tastes like a thin crust pizza once baked.  Also, the sauce on the baked egg is not ketchup.  It is Frank's Hot Sauce.  I love, Love, LOVE Frank's Hot Sauce.  I use it alot and keep it beside my stove at all times.  It is my go to seasoning!!

Quick and funny story about the squash in the last picture.  When I went and purchased the squash from Walmart, the sales clerk actually looked at me and said the following when trying to look it up.  "Is this zucchini or squash?  I can't tell the difference because I don't eat vegetables."  It was hard not to look up and say "What?"  Oh well, maybe she will start eating vegetables one day!

Come along for the ride.  The adventure is becoming tasty....

Maybe the scales are my friend

Well, probably not.  However, I really liked the scales yesterday.  I decided to weigh myself since it has been over a month since JJ and I started the low carb adventure.  Since August 22, I have lost 17 pounds!!  WOO HOO!!  I was shocked but loving it at the same time.  Yesterday was definitely a happy, happy day! 

Like I have said before, I hate scales.  I think they actually jinx me.  However, I have decided if I weigh myself once a month, that that should give me accurate measurements. 

I also acquired something else to assist in my weight loss efforts:

Yep, I got a treadmill!!  I know this going to sound crazy, but I love working out on a treadmill.  I feel so much better after I workout.  I just now have to make myself get up in the morning and do it!

Also, JJ and I will be starting our medical weight loss program on the 17th of this month.  I am excited in some ways but I am leary in others.  I know the dietian is going to say we can add back the bread, pasta, rice, etc in moderation.  However, we are doing so well without those foods that I don't want to put that temptation back in front of either one of us.  I hope the dietian can respect my wishes concerning this matter.  Any one know if there are guidelines about this?

Lastly, for those who might be wondering, Johnny is doing very well.  We returned to the doctor today for his one week follow up.  His JP drain was removed (Thank you for answered prayers).  And he has lost 10 pounds thus far (since surgery I should say).  Pretty amazing if you ask me.  I am so proud of him!  He has one more week of full liquids and then it is on to soft/puree diet.  And guess what comes with that phase?  Baby food meats!  Poor man.

With his permission, I am going to post some pictures of Johnny as he has started this journey.  I can see a change already.  Again, I am just so proud of him!!!

September 18 - The night when he started his liquid diet.

September 27 - Morning of his surgery

October 4 - One week post surgery (check out the beard -- doesn't it look so cute?)

Come along for the ride.  The adventure is shaping up great right now.....

Eating and everything that goes with it

As I was sitting here trying to think of a snappy title for this entry, I drew a complete blank.  So, sadly you received that cheesy title -- LOL!!  Actually, this post is about food and the difference Johnny and I are going through right now.

First, I have to say I am still so PROUD of Johnny.  He is doing very well with eating (the 2oz he can) and has not been sick.  However, what is worrying me is he is STILL in a lot of pain in his back.  And today, I noticed a very deep bruise where he is stating all the pain is located.  I don't know if something in the hospital made a bruise or what.  I guess I will just keep an eye on it for now.

Now, when I say he can have 2oz of food, I am not kidding.  Never did I think I would have to buy baby food again, but guess what...

 However, those containers are awesome to help me measure out other things for him.  I never thought I would say these words, but I pureed cottage cheese yesterday.  Yes, I said pureed cottage cheese.  Ever wondered what something like that would like?  Well here you go.....
 

 Honestly to me it looks like the paste we use to have in elementary school.  Remember the kids that would eat that stuff?  Maybe the reason they ate paste is because their mom made them pureed cottage cheese -- LOL!!  Johnny stated it tasted pretty good.  He said it needed salt though.  So sorry charlie - no salt for you for awhile.  I feel like the soup nazi from Seinfield when I have to say "No salt for you."

So, how does it make me feel when my sweet, loveable husband is having to eat that stuff and I am getting to eat this?
 

 Not very good!!  I hate eating in front of him right now.  I feel so bad when he eats the above and I am eating this stuff.  Now, I know it is healthy and everything.  But wouldn't you want to have that grilled chicken salad than pureed cottage cheese?  UGH!!  And every time I say something about eating in a different room or something, he gets upset.  I don't want to upset him, I just am trying to be respectful!

However, through all of this, I can not say I have been eating perfect.  I would HATE to think what my carbs have been lately.  Especially since this is what I ate for lunch today.
 

 Not good, I know!  But I was craving it.  Oh well, cravings are going to have to be squelished.  I need to start doing better again since we are back home.  Until next time...

Come along for the ride.  What an adventure it is right now!